Getting My Own Way Whine

Some people just know instinctively how to play the right cards to
get their own way.  Me, I don't even know if I am playing with the
same deck as everyone else.

Do you whine, sob, demand, make ultimatums or do you become
so eerily quiet that even the birds avoid your house??  I'm not sure
how I play this, but I do know that when it counts I don't really get
my way as often as I would like.

Perhaps I need some training on this.  Let's all pause for a glass of
wine.  Ok, better.  I think being persuasive takes a lot of planning
and smarts and I thought I was in possession of both. I think I might
back down too easily.  I have often found myself in situations where
the bubble over my head is screaming "WHAT THE HELL WERE
YOU THINKING?" And then my inner conscience hides in the
corner until all the voices go away.  My alter ego always has an answer
for everything, but she goes on vacation a lot and she's really hard to
reach.

I think I will resolve to be more direct and forthright. And maybe a
few tears, yeah, I think tears might help.  Is there a self-help group out
there that I am not aware of? We can make it a pot-luck gathering....
I will bring the wine.

Dieting Whine.....

Dieting sucks. There's just no two ways about it. I used to be able to exercise
my way out of a bad eating day/night/week, but no more. Now I actually have
to watch what I eat (or more importantly watch what I don't get to eat!)

*Sigh* I look at pictures of myself from two years ago and I see the pile of
clothes in my closet that I can only wish I could fit into. The sad thing is that
I know better.  I know what I'm supposed to do to lose the weight and call
it laziness, lack of motivation or an act of surrender, but I just can't get
myself back into this groove.  I remember what I did to make it work the first
time and I'd like to forget what I did to gain it all back, but it haunts me in the
mirror every day.

I need a fresh outlook. I thought that moving to FL would make me want to
work out more because we can be outside all the time, yadda, yadda, yadda.
It's hotter than Hades on most days, I look gross in a bathing suit so I don't
even want to approach the water and become a five course meal for Jaws.

.....So I procrastinate. I have procrastinated for 8 months now. I have to
just jump in and do it. Baby steps (away from fridge, away from the wine,
away from the nachos.) I'll keep you posted!

Consumerism Whine, or "Why do I Have to Have it All?"

As I sit here enjoying my glass of pinot grigio, I feel compelled to examine all
the ways in which my senses have been bombarded with the singular message
of "Buy Now,Pay Later." This assault happens on a daily basis and I find myself
feeling a little violated now and then. Especially when my wallet is saying one
thing and my mind is saying, "No, really, that skirt makes you look like Angelina."

I keep getting credit card offers in the mail. I can almost hear them whispering
in my mailbox before I open the little door. They say things like "You will shop
now, you will spend more than you earn and you will LIKE IT."  Well, of course
I will like it, but I will throw up at the site of the bills rolling in.  Who decided that
credit cards were a good thing? I know there are people out there who are
completely disciplined in this area. It's like a cult that only special people can join.
I am not one of those special people. I have one credit card in my purse, two
laying in a drawer (just in case) and one laying under a pound of ground beef in
the freezer. (That's my "emergency food supply.")

Marketing people have my number...if it will make me look younger, thinner
and more popular than I'm hell bent on getting it. At least I used to be. Now,
I think I'd rather strive to fit into more of the clothes that I actually have. I think
I would rather spend time with friends than money with strangers.

Why does it take getting older to see things like this more clearly??

Wine of my Youth...or was that Beer?

I once fought off three guys at one time vying for my attention during my 20's.
They were all named Steve, thankfully, and I was too full of myself (or beer)
to feel any kind of remorse about possibly leading them on. Fast forward 20
years and you are more apt to find me fighting off wrinkles named crowsfeet
and a wine-belly....sexy, I know.

I thought I was brave and strong and resilient, but it turns out I was just lucky,
had good timing and could talk my way out of, or into anything.

I wish I had the benefit of hindsight back then, but maybe that would have
interferred with the "happy accidents" and spontaneous moments that have made
my life the thrill ride it has been.  I've seen fireworks in five different states and
two countries. I met a guy who makes me laugh and still sees me how I was when
I was in my twenties (on a good day) and a little boy who can bring me to tears
just by watching him sleep. My cat thinks I walk on water just because I bring her
food at the drop of meow and my mailman sorts my mail alphabetically because
he knows I'm quirky like that.

I feel like I am at the starting gate of some big changes in my life. I want to run full
speed ahead, but I need to be patient and burst out of the starting block when I
have the right shoes.

Funny how I still chuckle when I meet someone named Steve.

I Have No Reason to Whine

I'm trying to look at my life through a bigger lens than just what I can see right
in front of me. I'm trying not to compare myself to other people even though it's
such a natural urge to do so. I think, why don't I have those things that I see
other people having and then I get this little kick in the shin reminding me that
I have no idea what life is like for that person who seemingly has it all.

I don't have it all, but what I have seems pretty good on most days. My husband
is the biggest, funniest dork in the world and I love him. He is 44 going on 14, but
no one can make me laugh or infuriate me more (in all of two seconds) than he
does. But you know what, he is still here, we are still together and that's got to
count for something.

I can go to bed at night with a clear conscience knowing that I did my best to
be the best I could be and generally be good to those around me. I'd like to
think that I have had a small positive impact on the friends I have made. My
very good friends in St. Louis certainly did let me know that I was loved and
missed this past weekend when they took pictures of Flo from the Progressive
commercials and set her in various pool type pictures while they had their last
pool party of the summer.  Oh, by the way, my nickname is Flo to those gals
from the Beaver Club out in St. Paul. So, to Jen F, Man Candy and Sweet D,
thanks for keeping me in the loop, we sure know how to party.

See, I have no reason to whine.

The Whine in Which I Want a new Family

If you ever want to know what a broken record sounds like, come to my house. I am
the epitome of a broken record. I'm not taken seriously until something is lost or
broken and then suddenly everyone wants to pay attention and do what I say.

This is the whine in which I lament over the same sad things that pretty much every
mother goes through daily/weekly/monthly. Part of me needs to know if maybe
I am just a control freak trying to impress my wants and needs on my family, but
do dirty socks really need to be continually left out in the front entrance way for
all to see? Do dirty cleats and running shoes really need to be left underneath the
coffee table and why is it so hard to hang up a freaking towel?? People say just
leave it alone. But here's the thing I CAN'T PHYSICALLY DO THAT. 
I have been hardwired to believe that "everything has a place and a place for
everything." We have closets and drawers for a purpose. Bathrooms come with a
vanity so not every single item needs to be left out on the counter because
eventually you will use that item again.

Today I walked away from my dinner table, plate in hand, and hid back in the
guestroom. I have no desire to eat so I should have just left the food behind. I feel
like giving up and part of me really wants to and then the rational part of me knows
I need to just suck it up. Wouldn't it be nice though, for just a little while for those
little things that you repeatedly ask for OVER and OVER again to be taken care of?
Am I that unrealistic?? Do I have it backwards? Should I be so damn happy that
I have a spouse and child that I put my big girl panties on suck it up?

I need another glass of wine before I can answer that. For now I will shamefully
hide because I just don't know what to say anymore.

(let the record show that my son did just come in and hug me and my husband
did bring me another glass of wine....ah hell, am I really that bad of a whiner??)

Whine, Wine.....Earned!

I have just completed my first week of work at a new and challenging job and
I must say this glass of wine tastes better, colder and just the perfect hint of apple
and citrus all because I EARNED it.

That's right...I earned it.  This isn't a "pity glass" or a "I'm blue, pick me up glass",
but a "celebratory glass" for a job well done and that my friends, ALWAYS taste
better. I have recently decided to stop saying that "I am lucky" and I will be replacing
it with "I am blessed." Does this shorten my "to do" list by any measure? I think not.

It does, however, mark a monumental shift in my thinking and behaviors.  "Here,
here!"(That's me, raising my glass of pinot to you all!)

It's been a good week. I do have some challenges ahead. I have to "face my giants"
in other areas of my life now that I have met this one. For example, how do I treat
my bodywith respect and coax it along to look and feel as good as I did in my
mid-thirties. Trust me, you will look back at a lot of pictures of yourself and just
like Baz Lurhmannsays, "You are not as fat as you think you are." I have to set a
better example for myfamily and since I am the one that does all the shopping and
the cooking, I'm the one to blame when Pringles make an appearance in my
cupboard. Speaking of shopping,I bought the cutest dress....but I digress....

So raise a glass if you EARNED it this week (this term can be interpreted
VERY loosely!)and we will talk about shopping next week!

Ta ta!