Today...I am all out of Whine

Today I woke up and I felt so completely blessed! I have been trying to start my mornings by reading a selected daily devotional and just trying to be QUIET so that maybe I could hear GOD and learn what direction my life is supposed to go in. I find that the more I struggle against certain things, the more difficult my life is to navigate.  I have learned that I am not the Captain of my ship and once I let go of that concept things started to really fall into place. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand the concept of free will and I know that I make choices everyday. I also know that when I feel an inner calmness and peace about a decision than that is the way my life is supposed to go. I want people to feel joy when they are around me and not a wall of negativity. I think my son is picking up on it too and it's so nice to see him make good decisions.

"Silver Jug" Painting by Jenn Kuhn

Tomorrow I might wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I could spill coffee all over myself and maybe my car won't start. But today....today is a good day.

They can smell fear....

A scary thought crossed my mind the other day. Eventually my son is going

to grow up and realize that I don’t know everything. Right now I’m practically

omnipotent in his little world. I have eyes in the back of my head. I can hear

a pin drop from next door and I know without a shadow of doubt when he is lying.

I can fix the hurts, smooth over pain and he still thinks I’m cool to walk around in

public with. I don’t want this stage to ever end!

Eventually he is going to know that I can barely do 5^th grade math, I can’t solve

every problem he encounters and he may not want to be seen with me in public.

At this stage in the game all he knows is that “Mom’s got it together.”  Or does she???

Our kids can smell fear, they know when something isn’t right so we have to be

vigilant in keeping our shit together. Seriously! They can’t know that you sometimes

lay awake for hours at night wondering how to fix the latest issue in your adult life.

They need security and love more than anything.

Damn I miss being a kid and thinking adults were invincible!

Kid Whine.....

Children can be a wonderful source of joy and happiness. When you are a parent

you experience such a rush of love for your kids; it’s unlike anything you have

ever experienced before.

Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to deal with the ups and downs of parenthood.

Parenting is HARD WORK. Think about it, you are responsible for raising this

kid to be an all-around good person and to not get involved in drugs, violence,

and all kinds of evil that exists in this world. Our job is to protect them. But there

are days I tell you when I just want to strap my child to a chair and tell him he

has NO IDEA how good his life is. My child is convinced that his life is horrible

because he doesn’t have all the gadgets that his friends have. Too bad. It feels

like nothing is ever good enough for him.

Did I raise him to be this way? Where does this come from? He is well loved,

well liked, and has a very comfortable life. So really, what gives?

I’m not going to find the answer in a glass of wine, but it’s tempting. I can’t

possibly be the only mom to experience this….am I?

TV Whine

I think I watch entirely too much television. I believe there is a permanent
indent on my couch where my behind comfortably fits. My son just zones
out completely when watching tv. His play station could be on fire and
 he wouldn't even notice.

Now, I like to watch one channel and not flip around too much. It's familiar,
comfortable and safe to stick with one program.  My husband on the other
hand cannot let the remote control out of his site. It's almost like a third arm.
Heaven forbid this little contraption  should go missing! If I had to rate
household appliances in order of importance for him  the REMOTE CONTROL
 would be NUMBER ONE! He flips back and forth  constantly between
programs and I swear I get dizzy. Sometimes I love when it's only me watching tv.

Then I can feel safe and familiar in my little program world.  Hands off the remote!!

A Beautiful Life Cut Short....

While this is not normally a topic that I would include in my blog, it’s weighing so heavily on my heart that I feel like I need to just share some things. An old high school friend was tragically killed this past weekend by some crazy man intent on inflicting pain to an innocent bystander. He was attacked in downtown London, ON and his family and friends are just reeling from this senseless act of violence.  I can’t even begin to understand what his family and close friends back home are going through? Dan had the biggest, brightest smile you have ever seen. He was mischievous, funny and I swear every girl in high school had a crush on him. It's just mind boggling that something like this could happen to someone we know. How did our world get so messed up???

It made me want to tell my husband that I love him. It made me want to appreciate the people in my life and make sure they know how much they mean to me. As a mother my heart is so heavy at the prospect of what Dan’s mother has to carry with her for the rest of her life. I know friends and family will be there to help pick up the broken pieces of this beautiful life cut short, but it still hurts.

Daniel Brand - Rest In Peace



A Certain Sense of Freedom

My son and I were talking this morning about eating healthy and working out and I told him that I had lost 4 lbs in the last couple of weeks.  His response was “Well, that’s enough to keep you safe for one more week on the Biggest Loser.” I could have died laughing right then and there, but he was so earnest in his compliment, that I just said, “Thank you TJ.”

That got me thinking about how great being a kid is because you don’t give a flying leap whether or not your clothes match, if your hair is showing its roots or if you even have on matching shoes. You are just so darn happy to be living another day and playing that none of that stuff matters. My son went through a period where he wanted to be the Red Power Ranger and he wore every shade of red under the sun and he was one happy little camper.

I want those days back! There was an article in the Ladies Home Journal with Melissa McCartney (if you don't know who she is rent "Bridesmaids" and you will never forget!) She says something like “There’s a certain kind of freedom when you don’t care what other people think.”

I think I’m on my way to a fabulous sense of freedom.

"Sip....Confess"

There is a scene in "Sex and the City 2" in which Miranda and Charlotte are having

dinner in their private bar in their hotel room.  Charlotte is having a hard time being away

from her girls while on vacation and Miranda is trying to get her to talk about things.

Miranda says something like, "I love my son, you know I do, but sometimes it's good

to just get away from him." Charlotte is astounded that a mother would admit this

and Miranda points at the martini glass and says "Sip, confess." Charlotte is guilt
ridden and admits that she has hidden from her girls in the house when things
get to be too much and she believes she is a bad parent. Miranda points out her
actions are just "Survival 101."

Sip, confess; I couldn't agree more.  Being a parent is tough, the hardest job there

is. Thank goodness there are a ton of rewards. If I could have fit into our linen closet

I probably would have hidden a time or two myself! I used to have dreams of running away

to a really fancy hotel, and sleeping for more than two hours straight in a nice clean,
quiet, comfy bed. My how my dreams have changed!

We do what we have to do to keep ourselves sane. 
A well rested, happy mommy equals happy kids.

Stuff My Kid Says....

Let me introduce you to TJ, because he may factor in heavily on some of my posts, so you might as well get to know him up front.  TJ just turned 10, going on 15. He loves baseball, football, WWE and he is just pretty awesome. (No paid endorsements were given to me for that last statement.)

One day when I was picking TJ up from kindergarten, he seemed pretty excited about what he learned that day, so I asked him about it. 

Me:  “So, TJ what did you learn in school today?”

TJ:  “Oh mom, today we learned all about King Arthur!”

Me:  “Wow, King Arthur huh, he was pretty cool.”

TJ:  "Yeah, you know the guy, he had a white shirt and black suit."

Me:  "I didn't know King Arthur wore a suit."

TJ:  “Yeah, you know the guy, he wore a white shirt, black tie and he got shot in a hotel.”

Me:  (looking rather dubious at TJ through my rear view mirror)”Um, TJ, did you guys learn about Martin Luther King Jr?”

“Oh yeah, that’s the guy!”

So happy to be paying for a quality education!  We still laugh over that one. You have to write these things down people, you think you will remember, but trust me you won’t.

A Pathetic Whine....

The day started out pretty much like every other day.  I woke up, worked out, had breakfast and got ready for work.  In between doing all of my activities of daily living I had to fit in: 

1.       Putting away dishes from last night.

2.       Cleaning cat litter AGAIN.

3.       Cleaning up after son’s breakfast and doing dishes.

4.       Find missing library book.

5.       Put together quick grocery list so we could have a decent meal tonight.

6.       Find missing keys.

Ok, ok, I get it. These are all very petty little whiny things, but when I start adding up all of the things I do on a regular basis without assistance I pretty much want to tear out my Miss Clairol colored hair.  In my dream world a very handsome man named Sven (yes, he is very Swedish and muscular and smart and more than that he can fix pretty much ANYTHING!) I digress….Sven offers to make dinner, finds his own bloody socks and fixes the weed whacker with flair.  Did I mention that he is also sweet, loving and kind?

Then I catch a glimpse in the mirror of my aging self and the look of bitterness I am carrying really does not enhance my looks in any way.  Perhaps I should be happy I have a man who still loves me after all these years and I have good eyes that allow me to find the missing items in our house and a little boy who brings me more joy than I could ever imagine.  Yeah, this is a pathetic whine....