What keeps me up at night? What thoughts lounge around in the corner bar of my mind? Will my life ever feel like it is in balance? Will my husband ever find a job that he likes and can support us? Will we have to move? How will my son be affected? How will I cope with having to explain the possibility of moving to a 10 year old that already had to adjust to one move less than two years ago?
I fluctuate between moments of abject terror and an eerie calm and sometimes my stomach is so nauseous I have to put my head down. I hate having to explain the situation to friends because it’s always changing. I’m tired of the dangling carrots of possibility that seem to disappear faster than a magician’s rabbit in a black Top Hat. “Poof – you’re screwed again!” I’m not alone in my swirling vortex of unanswerable questions, but somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.
I guess I will keep smiling on the outside and explore all those fleeting possibilities because what other choice do I have? Wine won’t solve this problem; neither will chocolate even though the thought is mildly tempting if not completely self-destructive. I’d like to know who coined the phrase “This too shall pass” because I’d like to ask him or her how and when?
The why doesn’t seem to matter anymore.
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